Unbelievable

"It is unbelievable!"
The curve had a very closed angle and he was trying to draw a tangent on the race. But he wasn't. Instead he involved himself in an accident, taking two more pilots with him.
"I was sure this was not going to be right. All the time I was worried about getting involved in an accident".
The team chief stared at him and said:
"Next time be worried about winning. Then you might just win."

******

"I will check this another time".
She left pretty much everything for another time. Except buying shoes. Shoes couldn't wait. In fact, she could easily trade a new play on a theater, or even a class in the university to buy new shoes.
"I think that I might have been a shoeless person in a past life. Now all I want is new shoes!"
She had to big closets in her room. One of them was filled with shoes. Only four hundred and sixteen pairs, a total of eight hundred and thirty two units. One for each foot.
"The other day I got mad because I couldn't find the left foot of a black shoe I have. Then, after looking for it for more than one hour, I finally found another one which looks exactly the same. Isn't it amazing?"
Marisa, known to his friends as a very sincere person, then said:
"Thank God your luck is of the size of your intelligence!"

******

Manoela wanted to be an actress. She went to a guy who read the future in cards to ask if her dream was possible.
"Manoela, the tarot is saying that you must be careful with whatever you desire, because it may become real".
Manoela got up feeling a little weird, believing her dream was about to come true. When she turned around, the found the espectators in front of them and the sound of applauses.
- Bravo! Bravo! Bravo!
And then the curtains were closed. Manoela only had the time to bounce and thank for the applauses.

******
"You're the CEO of this shitbag! You must put some order into things, or this company is going to space!"

Jonas didn't know which decision he should take first. He could fire his best friend that caused the whole mess and he would end as a stupid man among their friends. If he called him to talk about it, his friend would convince him that everything is fine and that he has nothing to worry about.

Two glasses of whisky later, Jonas found out that the solution was way simpler than he ever thought.

He called his friend into his office to talk. Marcelo, upon arriving, noticed that Jonas' stock options were on his table.

"They're yours."
"Are you passing the company to me?"
"Yes. Wasn't it what you ever dreamt of? With lies, rants, confusion with your colleagues and with all of your team?"
"Well... yes... but..."
"You're hesitating. I'm trying to say that you won the game. You won it dirt, but you did. Aren't you satisfied?"
Marcelo hesitated for a moment before saying:
"No, I ain't".
"Then give my stock options back and get out of here".
Marcelo then left the room. And later, he left the company. For good.

****
"I drink Johnny Walker Blue Label with my father-in-law every weekend".
His father-in-law hated him, and hated him even more when he said things he didn't do.
"I drove my father-in-law's Caravan Chrysler to the beach yesterday. "
His father-in-law would never let him do that.
"I go to the Cigar Club on wednesdays. The cubans are not the best anymore".
He never went there, and the cubans were still the best. The doctor did not hesitate with the diagnosis:
"You lie too much."
"That's not true!"
"To deny that is part of your illness. I will prescribe you two things: a pill and a lot of silence."
"Why's that, doc?"
"Because the pill will make you tell the truth. But since you don't know how to do it, you'd better stay quiet."